I like to think of myself as a laid back guy who let’s a lot of life’s annoyances just slide off my shoulders. I don’t really like to waste energy on such trivial matters that I could be using for more positive experiences.

That being said, there are a couple irritations from people and companies in this world that are perplexing, to say the least, which really piss me off. They get me vexed and full of rage that sometimes I want to …

The 5 Or So Said Pet Peeve List

1, One, I, Uno

I hate the assholes who talk on their cell phones while looking at the ground as they use the crosswalk. They don’t look both ways and assume us drivers are paying attention to them and their god damn attention deficit disorder of a life. On top of that they walk slower than John Goodman’s metabolism. Guess what douchbag?,   Your stupid call about whether he/she/it likes you is fucking irrelevant to my time frame so hurry the fuck up.

Sometimes I want to pound my huge truck grill  into your rib cage and tattoo the Ford emblem into your kidney as a reminder of your stupidity. I may even back up over you for good measure.

For bloggers: Be considerate of others. Be contentious of your surroundings. Be courteous of others time who are waiting on you. Have some integrity as a blogger, writer, professional, and as a person.

2, Two, II, Dos

Credit card companies should be litigated against for spamming us. Do you greedy bastards really need to send me seven different credit card applications in the mail every damn day? Do you realize how much paper product you use to get your shitty offer eighty-sixed by most people? I have to use my time to shred and recycle the paper so identity thieves don’t steal and molest my credit score. I’m not a huge tree hugger that smells like patchouli and smokes hippie lettuce all day, but the blatant and methodical exhausting of our pulp cache needs to stop. Enough already!

Sometimes I want to mail all of the CEOs offers of anthrax and other charming chemicals that affect their cognizance for fucking with people and their livelihood. Once the dust settles I think a class action lawsuit  for harassment and embezzling the people’s future for their over consumption of our natural resources which were used for personal gain is in order. Fuckers!

For bloggers: Use your resources wisely and sparingly. Don’t abuse other peoples’ social feeds with shitty offers they don’t want or need. Provide  your community and network with something of value.

3, Three, III, Tres

People that don’t pick up after themselves in the office or their homes disgust me. I don’t mind things out of order and a little untidy, but when I see the remains of soda from your fast food cup on your desk that’s been there for three weeks which is now leaking out the rotted bottom, I have to think WHAT THE FUCK CHUCK? On top of that, your desk and floor is riddled with ketchup and mustard packets. You have garbage piling up on the floor and around your bookcase since you’re to damn lazy to dump your full can that reeks of maggot slime and other toxic smells.

On the other end of the spectrum is the book hoarder and the old, dusty electronics hoarder. You have shit piled so high you can’t close your office door or get into your chair because your copy of  1998 HTML Done Easy is blocking the rollers.

Sometimes I want to take all that shit, put it in a huge garbage bag and dump all that foul gunk into your cars. I mean, fill that son of a bitch up so you can’t drive. I can only assume your homes are the same way. Why does anyone pack-rat garbage?

For bloggers: Clean your blog up of the unnecessary items. This can be too many ads that are all over the place or things like animated .gifs in your design. Nobody wants to go to your house if they need to put on a Hazmat suite before they stop by.

4, Four, IV, Cuatro

People who constantly interrupt you when you are talking need a huge Chuck Liddel spinning round-house kick to their jaw. I don’t mind the interjection of some thoughts here and there, I’m talking about when you are telling a story or discussing an interesting topic and the useless windbag chimes in louder than the room and has to tell his or her story that usually has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Are you some kind of  insecure retard that needs assurance and validation that you’re cool or better than others because your parents neglected you?

Sometimes I want to say, “Can you shut your fucking whore mouth and just listen for once? Loser!”

For bloggers: Pay attention to your audience. Listen to what they have to say and have genuine interest in their thoughts. Reply back with caring and sincere responses. Don’t always talk about and promote yourself. Give others their share of respect.

5, Five, V, Cinco

One thing that really bothers me, which is my own fault by the way, is when I run out of propane and booze when I’m BBQing. Now this may sound pretty stupid to some of you and I’m sure there are many more pet peeves out there that are far worse than this one, but let me tell you, when you have steaks on and the aroma is making your mouth salivate like female inmates in the penitentiary who just had a helicopter drop a Victoria Secret runway show into their backyard and can’t have a single slice of pie because their locked up. When the steaks aren’t done cooking because some moron forgot to fill his propane tank, the ultimate tease just kills you. (Shit it may even turn you on…You sick bastards..All of you..)

This is the same thing when the beverages run dry. I enjoy an ice cold, delicious Jack-n-Diet Coke when I got the grill rockin with family and friends. If I didn’t check the supply and I’m out, I feel like a terrible host and need to run to the store instead of being able to stay at home, relax and jive talk with the positive folks in my circle . What kind of idiot forgets the basics of a BBQ? (Two thumbs on my chest – This guy, that’s who.)

Sometimes I want to put my hand on the grill as an indication to myself to double check the supplies. Tying a string on my finger wouldn’t work because it would get confused with the five other reminder strings.

For bloggers: Do your research on the tools and materials you need to have a successful blog. Know what your going to write about. Having a plan of attack is usually better than blindly going at it even though I’m all for anyone who simple “tries”.  The more organized you are the better product or service you can offer.

6, Six, VI, Seis, – This one is a bonus:

Seriously? I don’t even know where to begin. The fucktards that put huge rims on their piece of shit cars has got to be one of the dumbest trends I have seen in the automotive industry. Yes, even worse than dudes who try to make Fast and Furious cars but are broke as a joke. The hood is a different color than the car door which is a different color from the body.

This is like those dipshits that wear six popped collared shirts at the same time with the outer one being pink.

Sometimes I want to take a chainsaw and cut those rims in half and then carve HOLLANDZ along the side of the car like Zorro used to do to punk ass villains.

I’ll let you decide how this one pertains to blogging. Hell, it may be so far out there, that the only thing to learn from this is, DON’T BE A DONK!

For bloggers: DON’T BE A DONK!

So, there you have it. What pet peeves get your inner Freddy Krueger ready to slash the shit out of things?

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